For My Dear
by Minkychan
Summary: Minmei's take on everything's that happened in the series....If you don't like Minmei, don't read it, though (constructive critisim appreciatied!)


Gaah, this is a story I wrote when I first started watching Macross..lol   
SO, it's probably a/u  
  
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I wish you wouldn't look at me like that all the time.  
  
Like a poor little puppy that's been kicked....  
  
Everyone, Lisa especially, calls me a fool for rejecting your love..  
  
They say that I'm awful for coming back expecting emotional support after my career failed...  
  
They say I wouldn't be pretending to be happy if I hadnt been so selfish towards you..  
  
But that's not the case, it isn't.  
  
I'm not pretending to be happy.  
  
I am happy.  
  
I don't deny being selfish at some points in my life,and I can't say I'm proud of those moments..  
  
But I don't regret any decisions I've made either.  
  
I'm not going to fool myself.  
  
I'm a plain, ordinary teenage girl.  
  
I'm suppose to be expected to screw up as much as humanly possible during my teen years.  
  
Any choices I've made, good or bad, have helped me grow..  
  
Helped me understand human emotion more than I ever thought possible..  
  
I'm happy I didn't fall into your arms like a weak, little princess and wait to be loved and taken care of...  
  
That I didn't stay a waitress and wait for you barefoot and pregnant to come back to me.  
  
I could've said I loved you, true.  
  
But I wasn't sure, did you expect me to lie?  
  
To say I loved you with all my heart, when I barely knew what love was?  
  
How could anyone expect me to base my whole life on something that was barely more than a "maybe" feeling?  
  
Don't you see? Me and you, it would never have worked!  
  
It's not like your too good for me, or vice versa  
  
I'm just not like you...  
  
I'm sorry I couldn't grow up as fast as you had too..  
  
I'm sorry I'm not ready to accept all the responsibilities and risks that come with love..  
  
I'm not sorry, though, for being true to myself..  
  
For loving myself enough to let me come first..  
  
For not being able to stand it when you'd look at me like some sort of messiah..  
  
A pure, ignorant angel who should never be tainted by the harsh world of reality.  
  
I mean, for gawd's sake, I'm 16!  
  
I have a life to live, adventures to have, people to love!   
  
I want to experience reality and overcome any hardships I may encounter!  
  
I want to become someone like you  
  
Someone strong who can influence the world for the better  
  
And anyway, can you honestly say we would have lasted?  
  
Do you honestly think we'd have stayed in love after Lisa showed up?  
  
Sure, there are times when I envy Lisa..  
  
Envy the looks you give her, the boyish blush you get when she smiles...  
  
Envy the fact that I could never understand you the way she does...  
  
"Could I haved loved you as much as she loves you and you love her?" I sometimes wonder.  
  
Maybe, I don't know.  
  
But even so, why can't you still be my close friend despite everything's thats happened?  
  
Remember how close we used to be?  
  
Why can't you smile at me without that melancholy look in your eyes and just be happy that we met?  
  
Why can't we just keep our memories of our times together in the past where it belongs and look toward the future as friends?  
  
Oh Rick, I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you with the decisions I've made...  
  
I'm sorry for chooisng my own damned COUSIN over you...  
  
But he was safe, you see  
  
Because I didn't love him like I loved you  
  
I loved him like a cousin...I knew he was safe  
  
I knew that if there came a time when I could only suceed in something by being on my own, leaving him wouldn't be hard  
  
Do you think I sound selfish?  
  
Well, I am.  
  
I didn't know how I felt for you at the time, but those emotions were important to me  
  
No matter what happened,I knew either way me and him would hurt each other and it wouldn't work out  
  
I'd rather be hurt by him, though  
  
You...you're special, Rick.  
  
I couldn't bear being hurt by you.  
  
You're too precious.  
  
Rick, I'm not sure if I loved you...  
  
But I know that whether I did or didn't, It's always been close  
  
Oh, so close.  
  
I can't regret the decisions themselves concerning you or anything else...  
  
I can't regret living my life to the fullest  
  
It's true, half the time I don't understand the decisions you make and am as ignorant as a person can be  
  
But one day, maybe I will  
  
After living, experiencing the world, experiencing life itself, I know that I will...  
  
Of course, despite all I've said now , Don't be so quick to judge   
  
At least in the end I try to understand you  
  
I can't say the same for you.  
  
I am who I am  
  
I'm Lynn Minmay, Age 16  
  
I make mistakes, true, but I'm not ashamed of that fact.  
  
I'm selfish too, but still only human.  
  
And if you had really loved me as much as you had claimed too, you would have at least TRIED too understand that.  
  
  
  
  
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heh, review please @_@ Don't flame me too bad  
  
If you wanna email me, my addy is Minkychan@hios.org 


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